Take this society.
In less than 48 hours I’ll know if it’s cancer or not. Fairly daunting really.
Here comes another text rant from myself. I am writing this for my own benefit as a friend of mine said it might help other people that are going through the same thing as myself.
Anyway, I’ve felt shit for months, years even. Not one day has gone by where I am genuinely happy and eager to get out of bed in a morning. The past few weeks however have been the icing on top of this shit covered cake.
I first went to the doctors to discuss this onset of misery at the end of January, blood tests were ordered to see if there was any underlying conditions which could be attributed to it. The results came back and nothing jumped out. So I decided to try and carry on as normal and just accept it.
However, about 5 weeks ago, after watching an episode of Embarrassing Bodies, I found a lump on my right testicle. The following day I went to my doctor who said it was probably a cyst that could be drained no problem, but said I should be referred to hospital for an Ultrasound scan to confirm. So, two weeks later I went into the hospitals xray department to have the scan. This was very embarrassing as I was surrounded by expectant mothers in the waiting area. One hilarious bastard said, “Are you expecting?” followed by giggles from the other mothers, to which I replied, “I fucking hope not” and was led by a lovely nurse into an examination room.
The initial scan was carried out by a junior doctor who was very professional about the whole thing, and then he went to go and get the consultant to get a second opinion. The consultant came in smiling and introduced himself and carried out another exam. Once he had finished his demeanour completely changed.
He said that there was a tumour and that we needed to sort it out asap. He asked if I had any questions about it. I didn’t know what to say…I was shocked and scared more than anything else. So I just said no thank you and left. Moments later once i’d got into the car to come home again, I received a phone call from my GP who needed to speak to me and get a referral to go and get it removed (when they said removed, they meant the whole testicle). I wanted to curl up into a ball (pardon the pun) and die.
The next day I saw my GP with my parents. She said that because of my age, they would have to treat it as if it were cancer. Mum burst into tears and I completely zoned out. I can’t even recall the specifics of that meeting, I just looked out of the window and everything went blank.
Anyway, she would need to refer me to a urologist and then we could go about operating. I don’t want to turn this into a rant about the NHS so I shall skip this part of the story. But needless to say, I decided to go about the whole thing privately because of something the NHS had managed to screw up…
4 days later I had an appointment booked to see a consulting urologist privately. He gave me another exam which was terribly painful and he said he would need to get the testicle removed and sent off to the lab to test for cancer. The operation was booked for two days later.
I had the operation over a week ago and i’ve only just taken my bandage off to let everything breathe and i’m still waiting for the follow up consultation (on the 16th of May) where I will hear if the tumour they found is cancerous or not. If it is, they will follow up with a CT scan to see if it’s spread then I will go down the chemo/radiotherapy route.
I really hope it isn’t…
But anyway, I hope this will enlighten all those that were wondering what has been up with me recently. My university course is also on hold until I get my results which means I won’t be able to graduate with all my mates in July and will have to wait until January.
Will post updates here when I get them…
Much love x
Got a terrible feeling i’ll be writing a lot on here over the next couple of days/weeks…
The car battery was flat, so I jump started it, which in turn blew up the ecu and now my car is completely dead. Going to cost £950 for a new ecu. I will happily pay several times more than that for everything just to go right this year.
hope they find a deeper reason for me feeling so bummed out :/
i’m a lonely, grumpy, miserable sod thats got nothing going. my self esteem could not be any lower right now. seeing everyone else being happy infuriates me when it shouldn’t.